A Cat’s Purr

I love to hear a cat purr.  I find it so relaxing and gentle.  Could almost put me to sleep. 

We have a number (I will not say-smile) of cats.  All different.  All wonderful.  All with their own personal purr and meow.  I feel blessed they are in my life.  They have helped me through many a dark day since John passed. 

Bailey is probably the most laid back of all of them.  I wish I could be that way if even for just a day.  He seems to take everything in stride.  Now mind you, he sleeps most of the day! I’ve never had a cat that sleeps so much. Not much seems to faze Bailey.  He reminds me of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.  Just goes about his merry way and sometimes looks up in surprise to find people living in the house with him!

This card I made yesterday.  I love the vintage image and the cat on it of course.  The cat reminds me slightly of Miss Dixie (another one of the kids here).

Recently I’ve started carrying my keys in my pocket.  I don’t want to lock myself out!  Without John here there is no one to let me in.  I suppose I need to give a spare to a neighbor.  With my luck they’d be gone the day I locked myself out.  I remember the day we lost John’s keys.  It was such a funny moment (previously posted on the blog). Since I’m outside a lot taking care of the flowers I planted I’ve started carrying the keys in my pocket….  but I lose them all the time.  Seriously.  I go to get them from the key rack... they aren’t there.  I check my purse….  nope not there either. I check the counter in the kitchen.  I check the floor by the key rack.  Someone has stolen the keys!!  I look everywhere but…  my hip pocket. Sigh.  New habits take a while to get used to. 

Until next time,

Hannah

Welcome Friends

Friends have been a big help in my healing process.  I don’t know what I would have done without them.  I think girlfriends are so special.  Blessings each day.  You can call a girlfriend at 2am and she will say… “what’s wrong…  how can I help you”.  Makes such a difference in life. 

Girlfriends listen, hug, talk to you when you need the talk and are always there to lend a hand.  They are lifelines in life.

I painted recently.  Have had a couple of projects going but only finished varnishing one so far.  The other one is very detailed and I haven’t brought myself to tackle it yet.  The one I have finished is this one.

I’ve been tending to my flower garden.  The flowers are doing so nice and look so pretty.  Our temps are getting hotter and hotter and it feels like summer is already here.  I dread it when I’ll have to go out.  Sigh.

I miss the joking around John and I used to do.  He made me laugh each day.  No matter how I felt he would have me laughing and feeling better!  He was such a blessing in my life.  The absolute best thing that ever happened to me. 

One of my friends came over on Saturday.  We planned to be in the studio working on a project.  When she got here everything changed.  She asked what we were going to do and I said it was up to her and she said she didn’t care.  It went back and forth like that a couple of times.  We finally decided to go to a scrapbook store in a nearby town and get stuff we didn’t need.  We spent more than 2 hours there looking at all the new things they had.  We had both decided we were just going to look and not buy anything since we have a ton of stuff already!  We were so happy as we traveled back to the house with our treasures that we have no room for.  Guess it’s time for organizing yet again.

Until next time,

Hannah

Sweet Pocket Card

Today I am showing you a sweet card that I made with a little library pocket on the front.  I love the combination of colors and the washi tape at the top of the card.  I'm not one that can just tear the tape and leave as is….  I always have to cut it.  Sigh.  

I planted flowers recently and they are growing so pretty.  I go sit outside in the garden and love the peaceful feel.  John and I always would lay on the hammock and swing along with one of the cats, Allie Oop.  She loves the hammock.  If you go out and sit on it…  she’s right there waiting to get on.  It’s so cute. 

I’m thankful for today.  I have our cats surrounding me.  The weather is beautiful.  And though I so wish John were here I must learn to live each day.

Here is a quote sent to me by a friend recently.  It speaks such truth.

Grief never ends. But it does change.  It is a passage, not a place to stay.

Grief is not a sign of weakness.  It is not a lack of faith. It is simply

the price of love.

Until next time,

Hannah

June will mark 2 years since my husband passed away.  Each day has been a struggle.  I’ve had such difficulty coming to terms with the loss. Slowly I am moving through the grief. The days are very lonely and I've tried to get back into the garden and plant some plants.  I chose flowers this time.  I did not plant any herbs or veggies.  I figured the flowers would be the easiest to maintain and they look so pretty.  Being out in the yard was bittersweet as John always did this with me.  We'd have water fights while out there and laugh so hard.  It was such fun.   

I pretty much let everything go after the passing of my husband.  My papercrafts, my painting, cooking and gardening.  My heart wasn’t in it.  As I move through this grief I began by making a greeting card.  Found that it kept my mind occupied and was grateful for that.  I made another.  And before I knew it I had made several cards for my Etsy shop.  

I know I have to learn to live without my husband.  I had to make a choice to live this life without him.  I have animals that depend on me.  I can’t let them or myself down.

This is a recent card I made.  

The papers used are Basic Grey and The Girl’s Paperie (from my stash).  I really miss The Girl’s Paperie line.  Margie always designed such pretty papers.  I find I hoard them because once I’ve used them up they're gone.  The stamp is from Papertrey Ink.  Love their stamps and dies.  

I am slowly trying to start living each day.  I thank my friends for continuing to stick with me. 

Until next time,

Hannah

Grief Continues

As I try to move forward through this pain I find many others who suffer as well.  I've been attending a Grief Support Group that I hope will bring me some peace.  I know I am not the only one having to deal with loss of a loved one. 

I think of my husband each day and wish I could see him.  Anywhere.  Just see him.  I long to talk with him, play board games with him, have dinner with him... everything.  It isn't going to happen.  My head knows this. My heart longs for something else. 

I've tried to go out in my studio (the one my husband built for me) and create something.  I haven't done so well with that.  I'd like to know how others are managing through their losses.  

If anyone is so inclined... please let me know.  I need help so badly. 

Until next time, 
Hannah 

Struggling

I continue to struggle with the loss of my husband.  Some days are worse than others and I know I have a long road ahead of me.  I wish I knew some magic formula to heal.  There is none.  

I have made a few cards for my Etsy site.  I have to do something to keep my mind busy and soften my grief.  I wish I knew what to do.  I know there are many others suffering as I am.  I'd like to be in touch with others that are going through the same struggle.  Perhaps that would help. 

This is my first post since the passing of my husband.  Perhaps it is a step in the right direction.  Try to focus on something other than my pain. 

Thank you for sticking with me. 

Until next time, 
Hannah 

Loss

On June 23^rd 2012 my husband John died unexpectedly.  The day before started as a normal day and within 10 hours my husband was gone. 

The depth of my grief is more than words can measure.  I pray each day John will walk through the door from a day of fishing and announce “I’m  home!”  I’d give anything, ANYTHING to be able for that to happen.  Yet in my heart I know I am going to somehow have to figure out how to live without him.  It’s unbearable and something I truly don’t want to do. 

I’ve experienced loss in my lifetime.  My grandparents, my father, an aunt, an uncle.  But this is my husband. My life, my light, my heart and soul.  The absolute best thing that ever happened to me.

We were a perfect fit.  Had the same humor, likes, dislikes, silliness… everything.  Truly.  We finished each other’s sentences, would say something right before the other was starting to.  We’d hear a song playing and starting dancing really badly and out of sync with the song and just laugh and laugh at how funny we looked. 

Some people tell me they don’t know what to say.  Some say nothing because they too don’t know what to say.  The best thing to say is just “I’m sorry for your loss.  Is there anything I can do for you”. 

Looking back I know I was terribly inept at knowing what to say during someone’s loss.  I think we have a desire to fix it.  Know the perfect words that will provide someone peace in their heart.  Sadly now knowing from personal experience… there aren’t any words that can fix it.  Just let the person know you are there if they want to talk.  And make sure you listen to them.  How ever long it takes.  Listen. 

I’m having great difficulty getting into a routine.  Getting back into my crafts, cooking.  I guess most everything. And to be quite honest, getting up in the morning,  getting a shower, eating, even breathing is something I don’t want to do.  I really just want John back by my side. 

I write this for those who do read my blog will know why I’ve been away.  Every day is a struggle and I don’t know when I’ll write again.  Soon I hope.  And for those of you who do read… thank you so much for sticking with me.

Until next time,

Hannah