Sunday, November 25, 2012

On June 23rd 2012 my husband John died unexpectedly.  The day before started as a normal day and within 10 hours my husband was gone. 

The depth of my grief is more than words can measure.  I pray each day John will walk through the door from a day of fishing and announce “I’m  home!”  I’d give anything, ANYTHING to be able for that to happen.  Yet in my heart I know I am going to somehow have to figure out how to live without him.  It’s unbearable and something I truly don’t want to do. 

I’ve experienced loss in my lifetime.  My grandparents, my father, an aunt, an uncle.  But this is my husband. My life, my light, my heart and soul.  The absolute best thing that ever happened to me.

We were a perfect fit.  Had the same humor, likes, dislikes, silliness… everything.  Truly.  We finished each other’s sentences, would say something right before the other was starting to.  We’d hear a song playing and starting dancing really badly and out of sync with the song and just laugh and laugh at how funny we looked. 

Some people tell me they don’t know what to say.  Some say nothing because they too don’t know what to say.  The best thing to say is just “I’m sorry for your loss.  Is there anything I can do for you”. 

Looking back I know I was terribly inept at knowing what to say during someone’s loss.  I think we have a desire to fix it.  Know the perfect words that will provide someone peace in their heart.  Sadly now knowing from personal experience… there aren’t any words that can fix it.  Just let the person know you are there if they want to talk.  And make sure you listen to them.  How ever long it takes.  Listen. 

I’m having great difficulty getting into a routine.  Getting back into my crafts, cooking.  I guess most everything. And to be quite honest, getting up in the morning,  getting a shower, eating, even breathing is something I don’t want to do.  I really just want John back by my side. 

I write this for those who do read my blog will know why I’ve been away.  Every day is a struggle and I don’t know when I’ll write again.  Soon I hope.  And for those of you who do read… thank you so much for sticking with me.

Until next time,